Family Life

Foreign Service life offers unique opportunities and is a great career! GLIFAA has worked closely with the American Foreign Service Association (AFSA), Department management, and Diplomatic Security in making the overseas and domestic environments more welcoming to the partners of lesbian and gay FSO's, civil servants, and contractors. The MOH guidanace in the Foreign Affairs Manual is one of our successes in this area.

Secretary Powell has issued a "Statement of Policy with Respect to Non-discrimination" and the Department's Office of Civil Rights includes "sexual orientation" in its Diversity Statement. USAID as well has MOH Guidance and an EEO Policy that prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation. GLIFAA is continuing to press for additional important changes. Indeed, this remains at the heart of our mission in Washington and around the world.

At the same time, lesbian and gay personnel and our families face many challenges that our heteroxeual colleagues do not encounter, both at home and abroad. Below we outline some of these.

Domestic Family Life

Foreign national partners of U.S. Foreign Service Officers (FSOs) and foreign national partners of foreign diplomats assigned to the U.S. face difficulties in arranging for their foreign citizen partners to live with them in the U.S. The July 2001 cable State 118790 allows partners of foreign diplomats to enter the U.S. on a B-2 (tourist) visa. However, this requires that the partner leave the U.S. every 6 months, and gives no guarantee that he/she will be allowed to re-enter. In many cases, partners are forced to live apart from their loved ones or end their relationships because of the immigration barrier.

For domestically assigned FSOs with U.S.-citizen partners, one of the most difficult issues is the lack of benefits for partners. Federal statutes control who is eligible to receive employment benefits such as health insurance, life insurance, and retirement annuity. The U.S. Government does not give unmarried partners access to such benefits. The Department of State, as well as all other Federal Agencies and Departments, is bound by federal law in this regard and does not have independent discretion to offer these benefits.

Contrary to popular belief, the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) says nothing about partnership benefits. It simply makes explicit that the definition of “marriage” and “spouse” in existing Federal law and regulation refers to a legal marriage between one man and one woman. In theory, nothing in DOMA prevents the Federal Government from separately authorizing accommodations or benefits for gay couples in addition to those already enjoyed by legally married heterosexual couples. Legislation to do just this is routinely proposed in the U.S. House of Representatives, but has yet to pass.

Nevertheless, certain limited provisions of current federal employee benefits and compensation are available to unmarried partners of federal employees:

• You can designate your partner as your beneficiary under the Federal Employee Group Life Insurance (FEGLI) program. You can change your beneficiary at any time without the knowledge or consent of the previous beneficiary.
• You can designate your partner as your beneficiary for any unpaid compensation due you, such as accrued vacation. This designation remains valid until you change or revoke it and as long as you are employed with the Department of State.
• You can designate your partner as your beneficiary under the Thrift Savings Plan (TSP). You can make this designation at any time.
• Under the Federal Employees Retirement System (FERS) or the Civil Service Retirement System (CSRS, applicable to federal employees hired before 1984), you may designate your partner as your beneficiary for a lump sum refund of your retirement contributions to the retirement system. However, if anyone qualifies to receive survivor annuity benefits by law, retirement contributions cannot be refunded.
• The Federal Employees Family Friendly Leave Act (FEFFLA) permits eligible employees to use sick leave to provide care for a family member (defined as any individual related by blood or affinity, whose close association with the employee is the equivalent of a family relationship) if that person is incapacitated because of physical or mental illness, injury, pregnancy, or childbirth; or requires assistance to go to medical, optical or dental examinations or treatments. FEFFLA also permits employees to use sick leave to make arrangements for and attend the funeral of a family member (as defined above). Employees can therefore use sick leave to care for or bereave a same-sex partner.

Overseas Family Life

There are many gay and lesbian personnel -- including ambassadors -- who have served successfully with their partners and families overseas, and in many cases, partners have made important contributions to Embassy life and to the community at large. However, just as domestically, so too abroad lesbian and gay personnel face unique challenges.

Your partner can accompany you to post and live with you in embassy-provided housing, although the process is much different than for heterosexual married couples and gay partners receive much less support than foreign service spouses. The U.S. Government at present does not officially recognize domestic partners as “Eligible Family Members” (EFMs), even if you have been together for an extended period of time or have undergone a commitment ceremony. Your partner therefore cannot be included on your travel orders. If your partner travels with you to post, you will have to pay the airfare and all other travel expenses.

Your partner cannot be issued a diplomatic passport, and must travel on his/her personal passport. In most cases, he/she will be forced to enter on a tourist visa. In so doing, partners are placed in the precarious situation of having to leave the country of assignment every few months to request a new visa, while never having the assurance that such will be issued.

Your partner may reside with you in embassy-provided housing, at no cost. State Telegram 242724 of December 26, 2000, specifically includes unmarried partners within the definition of an employee's Members of Household (MOH), and provides guidance to Chiefs of Mission on how to accommodate MOHs and make them feel welcome at post, including assisting MOHs with obtaining visas and residence permits in accordance with local law, allowing MOHs to compete for local-hire positions within the embassy, and providing MOHs access to all post-sanctioned events and activities on the same basis as EFMs.

In December 2003, MOH provisions were included in the Foreign Affairs Manual (FAM), the document that contains the regulations, policies, and procedures for the Department of State's operations. 3 FAM 4180 instructs Chiefs of Mission to: 1) assist MOHs, upon request, in obtaining appropriate residency permits and travel visas in accordance with local law; 2) include U.S. citizen MOHs in the Mission warden system; 3) consider MOHs, who can legally work in the respective country and have obtained any necessary work permits, for positions at post that are appropriate for their citizenship; 4) at the employee's request and with the MOH's authorization, include MOHs in post telephone and address listings; 5) include MOHs in all events sanctioned by posts on the same basis as Eligible Family Members (EFMs); and 6) allow MOHs to participate in local CLO and FLO sponsored activities and programs. It requires Department employees to: 1) declare all MOHs to the Chief of Mission; 2) ensure, to the best of their ability, that MOHs comply with all applicable laws, regulations, and any post policies applicable to the American community; 3) encourage MOHs to complete emergency locator cards for use by post; and 4) report foreign national MOHs in accordance with 3 FAM 4100 Appendix B.

A number of posts have already implemented MOH Guidance, among them Embassy London. GLIFAA is encouraging all embassies and consulates to develop similar guidance.

If your partner can legally work in the host country, he/she may apply and compete for positions advertised by the embassy, recreation associations, and other expatriate organizations just as family members, expatriates and host nationals may. Your partner is not considered an EFM, however, and so cannot benefit from the preference given to EFMs applying for mission positions. If an EFM and a non-EFM with equivalent qualifications apply for the same position, U.S. law requires the mission give preference to the EFM.

Difficulties increase if both partners are Foreign Service Officers. The Department does not consider unmarried couples to be “tandem couples” for bidding and assignment purposes. Thus, you and your FSO partner would have to bid on positions at the same post, and would be considered as two separate bidders. It is certainly possible for you and your partner to be assigned to the same post, particularly if you make your wishes clear during the assignments process, but there are no guarantees that two officers will be assigned together, even if they are a traditional tandem couple. The needs of the service and the system's efforts to best accommodate the interests of all bidders play an important role in the process.

Despite these difficulties, the Foreign Service is a great, rewarding career, and we encourage gays and lesbians serving overseas to take an active part in the community: getting to know neighbors, volunteering in the host country, attending Embassy functions, and trying to make themselves indispensable to the functioning of the post. This will go a long way toward educating our heterosexual colleagues about gay people and gay relationships.

To find out about benefits not afforded to "in" eligible partners of lesbian and gay Foreign Service Officers, click here.

Tell us about YOUR Family Life

GLIFAA is currently documenting and identifying the experiences of members overseas with their partners and families in order to share information on “what worked” for them to make day-to-day life bearable and to access the benefits available to them.

If you would like to contribute your stories and ideas, please contact glifaa@hotmail.com.

Meanwhile, check out "Real Post Reports" on Tales from a Small Planet. It tells all about living and working overseas, with a special page for gay and lesbian expatriots.